i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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