Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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