I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
pray to the hookup gods
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
