i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
