You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
