apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
