Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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