mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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