I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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