Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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