Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
