Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
