At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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