I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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