You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
