I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
