I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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