Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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