You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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