Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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