I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
