So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
