Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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