I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
