Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
