booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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