Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
