I just saw a hot homeless man
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
