she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
