Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
