do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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