yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
