They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
