you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
