you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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