the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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