The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
