she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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