she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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