her vagine was all disorganized.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
