just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
