Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
