I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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