When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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