It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
