I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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