You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
