I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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