Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
