i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ugly people sure do ruin things
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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