I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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