I wish I could teleport
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
