Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
