Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
