erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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