haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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