She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my liver is dry heaving
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
