i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Someone shit on the floor
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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