Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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