I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
